Friday, December 25, 2009
♥ 我活得很累
累了是不是该休息了？
一天一天的过去，我以为一切都会变得很美好，是我太天真了，我每次都在想1，我前世是不是犯了错，到我这世，我需要补偿？
我们每次怕这个怕那个，当决定了，就觉得对不起自己的良心，感觉自己做错了，我有时在想，人要是没有良心年该多好！应该有的时候有，应该没有的时候没有，一切是不是会更美好？
今天我走到这条路，有两个叉口，我才往左边走还是右边的？每次下一次决定，我都需要勇气！我恨！我恨！我恨！放弃那个也不是，这个也不是，现
为什么每件事都需要那么多的勇气？我都快死了。。。
如果有天，我的坏记忆全消失，那该多美好！
一天一天的过去，我以为一切都会变得很美好，是我太天真了，我每次都在想1，我前世是不是犯了错，到我这世，我需要补偿？
我们每次怕这个怕那个，当决定了，就觉得对不起自己的良心，感觉自己做错了，我有时在想，人要是没有良心年该多好！应该有的时候有，应该没有的时候没有，一切是不是会更美好？
今天我走到这条路，有两个叉口，我才往左边走还是右边的？每次下一次决定，我都需要勇气！我恨！我恨！我恨！放弃那个也不是，这个也不是，现
为什么每件事都需要那么多的勇气？我都快死了。。。
如果有天，我的坏记忆全消失，那该多美好！
11:37 PM
Monday, December 14, 2009
♥ 人生的感叹。。。
从1990年出生但现在，从1995年懂事到现在，从没有想过自己的未来是怎样的。我的日子过得真烦，活到今天，才知道是多么的不容易，一次又一次的接受考验，以为自己快要成功的那一时刻起，我才发现我自己掉入了很深很深的莫个陷阱里。
人为什么要活得那么累？我快没有氧气了，快窒息了，老天爷，你告诉我该怎么办？
走到一半的路是不是该停止了？我不知道该怎么办了，为什么每次是我，是我，是我，总是我遇到那么残忍的事？我对得起大家，我从来没做过什么作孽的事，为什么受害者总是我？
我小时候，总是希望自己有天会找到属于自己的天空，到时我怎么寻找都找不到，属于我的那片到底在哪里？
我的父母又在哪里？我的兄弟姐妹呢？我总觉得我是那么的孤独，相反的他们个个觉得我幸福，我有苦说不出，我好想死。。。曾有那么的一刻，但是还是没有勇气，为什么我活得那么的痛？
我心里总有个疙瘩，我不知道怎么说，像谁都倾诉不了。。。我几时能解脱？
我好怕有天我真的不想活了，死了就得了，但是我还有很多事情还没有完成，我的梦想又在哪？
真希望回到我的童年，虽然每天惊心胆跳的日子，但是总怎样总比现在过得好吧？记得小时候，每天早上我都怕妈妈会拿藤条鞭我起床，我总是第一个起，我姐姐总是被惩罚，以前吃饭的时候，妈妈做的饭菜真是人都吃不下的，我们这些小孩当然也不吃，连爸爸都假装把饭倒进垃圾桶，饿着肚子上班，我们呢？没有多余的零用钱，也没机会出去，friends也不可以联络，就那样的被关在房子里，4点一到，我们的工作又开始了，我们必须洗涤。。。刷刷洗洗的，每次手脚都要泡在洗涤液里面，就那几个小时，手都气泡了，没人呵护，总是忙到傍晚7，8点才结束我们的工作，不。。。还没。。。我们要要写作业，如果乘法表没有牢牢的记载脑海里，我们又要被挨打了，从小开始就这样的生活到13岁，才真真的结束我们的痛苦。从小打工，赚到的几毛钱一过年就花光了，压岁钱也不可以私藏，全都要交给我们家的太后，说寄存银行，但是每年会乡下，那些钱还是从我们那取得，我知道，这钱不是我们的，但是我们忍不住会觉得那是不应该的。
长大了，爸爸和妈妈的感情越来越差，应该说等我懂事以来，没有看过他们一天不吵架的，everyday都是吵的很严重，丢碗，杯子，扔刀，那多么的危险，当然这些危险举动都是我妈妈的杀人武器。。。
连我们要出去，至少要帮妈妈干完家务全部干妥了才可以出门，出了门，又不可以超过1小时，那叫什么？那时候多希望我们快点长大，现在长大了，各做各的路，爸爸和妈妈也分开两地，连我都不知道我家里到底变成什么样了，全靠声音来唤起我的童年，长大的路还有多遥远？什么时候停下来？
人为什么要活得那么累？我快没有氧气了，快窒息了，老天爷，你告诉我该怎么办？
走到一半的路是不是该停止了？我不知道该怎么办了，为什么每次是我，是我，是我，总是我遇到那么残忍的事？我对得起大家，我从来没做过什么作孽的事，为什么受害者总是我？
我小时候，总是希望自己有天会找到属于自己的天空，到时我怎么寻找都找不到，属于我的那片到底在哪里？
我的父母又在哪里？我的兄弟姐妹呢？我总觉得我是那么的孤独，相反的他们个个觉得我幸福，我有苦说不出，我好想死。。。曾有那么的一刻，但是还是没有勇气，为什么我活得那么的痛？
我心里总有个疙瘩，我不知道怎么说，像谁都倾诉不了。。。我几时能解脱？
我好怕有天我真的不想活了，死了就得了，但是我还有很多事情还没有完成，我的梦想又在哪？
真希望回到我的童年，虽然每天惊心胆跳的日子，但是总怎样总比现在过得好吧？记得小时候，每天早上我都怕妈妈会拿藤条鞭我起床，我总是第一个起，我姐姐总是被惩罚，以前吃饭的时候，妈妈做的饭菜真是人都吃不下的，我们这些小孩当然也不吃，连爸爸都假装把饭倒进垃圾桶，饿着肚子上班，我们呢？没有多余的零用钱，也没机会出去，friends也不可以联络，就那样的被关在房子里，4点一到，我们的工作又开始了，我们必须洗涤。。。刷刷洗洗的，每次手脚都要泡在洗涤液里面，就那几个小时，手都气泡了，没人呵护，总是忙到傍晚7，8点才结束我们的工作，不。。。还没。。。我们要要写作业，如果乘法表没有牢牢的记载脑海里，我们又要被挨打了，从小开始就这样的生活到13岁，才真真的结束我们的痛苦。从小打工，赚到的几毛钱一过年就花光了，压岁钱也不可以私藏，全都要交给我们家的太后，说寄存银行，但是每年会乡下，那些钱还是从我们那取得，我知道，这钱不是我们的，但是我们忍不住会觉得那是不应该的。
长大了，爸爸和妈妈的感情越来越差，应该说等我懂事以来，没有看过他们一天不吵架的，everyday都是吵的很严重，丢碗，杯子，扔刀，那多么的危险，当然这些危险举动都是我妈妈的杀人武器。。。
连我们要出去，至少要帮妈妈干完家务全部干妥了才可以出门，出了门，又不可以超过1小时，那叫什么？那时候多希望我们快点长大，现在长大了，各做各的路，爸爸和妈妈也分开两地，连我都不知道我家里到底变成什么样了，全靠声音来唤起我的童年，长大的路还有多遥远？什么时候停下来？
4:39 PM
♥ 我对你的爱？
爱是不是那种想念你的感觉？怕你不开心？
我承认有时说话伤了你，但是我都是为了你好。
我如果说了让你不开心的话，我取回，我真的不知道我怎么了，
我好像被你下了毒一样，我好怕我们的缘分就像梦一场。
我真得睡不着，等着你归来，我等你，等着你。。。
你没给我答案。。。
我着急我不知道你在做什么，我很担心你，
我是不是疯了？我好怕是我自作多情，多怕啊。。。
你原谅我好吗？求你了。。。我等着你！
我承认有时说话伤了你，但是我都是为了你好。
我如果说了让你不开心的话，我取回，我真的不知道我怎么了，
我好像被你下了毒一样，我好怕我们的缘分就像梦一场。
我真得睡不着，等着你归来，我等你，等着你。。。
你没给我答案。。。
我着急我不知道你在做什么，我很担心你，
我是不是疯了？我好怕是我自作多情，多怕啊。。。
你原谅我好吗？求你了。。。我等着你！
12:17 AM
Saturday, December 12, 2009
♥ Am I doing right?
I feel I am hurting you, more give u hope more give u dissapointment. Right?
But, I can't control myself to think of you..how can I do it? I am kinda worrying about u, are u eating well and drinking more?
I wanna u take more rest,RMB, listen to me,ok?
Anyway, I wanna let u know if u meet someone else, don't gv up, make urself a chance and start something new! Just listen to me. Deal?
At least we now are able to console each other, when u are sad, I will resolve ur sorrow. Don't hire anything from me, no matter what happens to u, just let me know, I can understand u well.
Be happy...If you are too tired to work, pls stop working, don't affect ur study and ur health. I am doing so for ur good. RMB, the best is ur health no matter how young u are!
I can't wait to see u, but i am afraid if we meet, we will found that we are not suit to be together, so if you found a girl, go through, just let u a choice and it is really worth for you.
Waiting should take a long time and journey, dont waste ur time, I am fear that I waste ur time a lot since I can't comfirm what I should decide now...
Anyway,Take care!Bye
But, I can't control myself to think of you..how can I do it? I am kinda worrying about u, are u eating well and drinking more?
I wanna u take more rest,RMB, listen to me,ok?
Anyway, I wanna let u know if u meet someone else, don't gv up, make urself a chance and start something new! Just listen to me. Deal?
At least we now are able to console each other, when u are sad, I will resolve ur sorrow. Don't hire anything from me, no matter what happens to u, just let me know, I can understand u well.
Be happy...If you are too tired to work, pls stop working, don't affect ur study and ur health. I am doing so for ur good. RMB, the best is ur health no matter how young u are!
I can't wait to see u, but i am afraid if we meet, we will found that we are not suit to be together, so if you found a girl, go through, just let u a choice and it is really worth for you.
Waiting should take a long time and journey, dont waste ur time, I am fear that I waste ur time a lot since I can't comfirm what I should decide now...
Anyway,Take care!Bye
9:56 PM
Friday, December 11, 2009
♥ Special day
I become fat already...more sad,eat more,why some people will be skinny when they are sad and they will not consume any foods. I wanna be them, wanna be skinny, at least when sad, I can be more slim and so my body shape can console my sorrow as well than fat.
Tyres are my waist now....all disappeared excluding my adipose that accumulates around my waist.
How to get rid of it?Damn Oil, I hate you, why you keep torturing my body?I wanna skinny...
God,gv my body back!
Why some people can get what they desire, but why I can't? Sometime I was thinking that is my ancestors had did something wronf, so I should take this burden by myself? Isn't it?
I appreaciate u come to my life and u share ur sorrow and u share ur happiness....But, I don't want u to hurt urself, and I wanna u be more happy. TAKE GOOD CARE!
I don't want skinny guy,not strong, who isn't able to take good care of me since he can't take care himself well.
At least, just promise me that u could take care ur self good, then I believe u can realize ur promise.
I have to much to say, I wanna talk to u many many, but I don't know what can I talk. Sounds contradiction right? I always oppose myself, why I will be like this way? Wasn't opposing can realize ur dream? Some boycott oppose something for their right, in the end, they got what they want. Why I can't be the same as those lucky guys?
Now, I even don't know what I am typing and I couldn't understand why I say this...I don't know, I just wanna to release the fire in my heart and so I write out something very strange, at least, by this way, I could make U know What I am doing and make you realize that I m still here!
Tyres are my waist now....all disappeared excluding my adipose that accumulates around my waist.
How to get rid of it?Damn Oil, I hate you, why you keep torturing my body?I wanna skinny...
God,gv my body back!
Why some people can get what they desire, but why I can't? Sometime I was thinking that is my ancestors had did something wronf, so I should take this burden by myself? Isn't it?
I appreaciate u come to my life and u share ur sorrow and u share ur happiness....But, I don't want u to hurt urself, and I wanna u be more happy. TAKE GOOD CARE!
I don't want skinny guy,not strong, who isn't able to take good care of me since he can't take care himself well.
At least, just promise me that u could take care ur self good, then I believe u can realize ur promise.
I have to much to say, I wanna talk to u many many, but I don't know what can I talk. Sounds contradiction right? I always oppose myself, why I will be like this way? Wasn't opposing can realize ur dream? Some boycott oppose something for their right, in the end, they got what they want. Why I can't be the same as those lucky guys?
Now, I even don't know what I am typing and I couldn't understand why I say this...I don't know, I just wanna to release the fire in my heart and so I write out something very strange, at least, by this way, I could make U know What I am doing and make you realize that I m still here!
11:01 AM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
♥ Final gone!
This week I was busy about my final and also I had met many problems that I have thought of it before and finally it happened. I thought my life would be getting better, but it seems never and gets more worse. My life is getting mess as U told me. I was so happy to know U, but I feel very sorry to you. U always tell me to drink more water girl,eat more,rest more,sleep early,and take good care. But, do you do what as U told me and asked me?
I hope U will be happy, don't because of me and make you sick seriously. Dont say any incense paper and money or word again. I don't wish to hear this from you. U know, when I saw ur title wrote as this, I was kind of hurt and sad. Can U understand me?
I know U will believe me, but something I still can't make you 100% to believe me. I know myself well than you though I am not quite sure whether I am understanding myself.
I have nothing to tell you except I hope u are happy everyday. Sorry, I have nothing for you...
I wanna send u msg this morning but becoz I was going to my final paper and I had no enough time to do so,so I hope you will forgive me. I hope u will not hate me...
If can case back the time, I wish I wouldnt come here and I hope I could know you early and you would tell me....at that time.
Also, I hope we never get started and so we still continue our friendship and so I will not hurt you. I can share anything to you and you also can share with me...All is my fault, I am so sorrrrrrrry...10101010 sorry....really, I appreciate you much!
Remember eat well,drink more,sleep early,and take a good care to yourself. Pls...Pls...good take!!!
I had finished my final and I hope all were going well and you too!!!Wish you!
I hope U will be happy, don't because of me and make you sick seriously. Dont say any incense paper and money or word again. I don't wish to hear this from you. U know, when I saw ur title wrote as this, I was kind of hurt and sad. Can U understand me?
I know U will believe me, but something I still can't make you 100% to believe me. I know myself well than you though I am not quite sure whether I am understanding myself.
I have nothing to tell you except I hope u are happy everyday. Sorry, I have nothing for you...
I wanna send u msg this morning but becoz I was going to my final paper and I had no enough time to do so,so I hope you will forgive me. I hope u will not hate me...
If can case back the time, I wish I wouldnt come here and I hope I could know you early and you would tell me....at that time.
Also, I hope we never get started and so we still continue our friendship and so I will not hurt you. I can share anything to you and you also can share with me...All is my fault, I am so sorrrrrrrry...10101010 sorry....really, I appreciate you much!
Remember eat well,drink more,sleep early,and take a good care to yourself. Pls...Pls...good take!!!
I had finished my final and I hope all were going well and you too!!!Wish you!
1:47 PM
Friday, December 4, 2009
♥ The Importance of Love (Somply wrote what I thought)
Love exists in this world is not to create suffering, it comes to the world to give you Happy, Warm, Sweet, and Joy.
One day, if you found your love, please do not let it go since it will link to your future life. Also, do not simply accept people's love. During your life-time, maybe you have many admirers, but you could not accept them for fun since they might be the one who hurts you and betrays you.
Once your love is betrayed, you will found Love exactly is shit, which only brings tear and grief to your life. Remember, LOVE a person is not so simple as you thought it is, instead, it is miracle and magic, so as it is meaned, it is so hard to get. So, try to make sure if he/she really loves you, then you can begin the relationship.
People always say "Marriage is a tomb of LOVE".
NOT~ it is not. If you get a nice relationship and then marry, soon get children...you and your partner can share the pressure together, your marriage will be long forever. If you guys simply argue about the money and stress...you will get a "BAD" marriage, as soon as, you guys will get divorced.
DIVORCE detroyes Women life more than Men.
In old traddition, men always looked as the greatest person and women also a vast which should be pure so they are noble.
If a woman who had married, then divorced and even having kids, she would be looked as "Impure". It is true until today though society now prohibits Discrimination. Yet, it changes nothing with the women' status in this society.
Women easily get hurt and men are the one who are greedy and desiring to get more...hurt women, play women, and cheat women since men think if they have done all those things, they gain power and strength as a REAL man.
Women, you should be careful to choose your love and build your future life. Be cheerful also if you have been hurt, and advice yourself in order not to be so soft next time to drop into someone's trap.
CHEER UP, Girls!!!
One day, if you found your love, please do not let it go since it will link to your future life. Also, do not simply accept people's love. During your life-time, maybe you have many admirers, but you could not accept them for fun since they might be the one who hurts you and betrays you.
Once your love is betrayed, you will found Love exactly is shit, which only brings tear and grief to your life. Remember, LOVE a person is not so simple as you thought it is, instead, it is miracle and magic, so as it is meaned, it is so hard to get. So, try to make sure if he/she really loves you, then you can begin the relationship.
People always say "Marriage is a tomb of LOVE".
NOT~ it is not. If you get a nice relationship and then marry, soon get children...you and your partner can share the pressure together, your marriage will be long forever. If you guys simply argue about the money and stress...you will get a "BAD" marriage, as soon as, you guys will get divorced.
DIVORCE detroyes Women life more than Men.
In old traddition, men always looked as the greatest person and women also a vast which should be pure so they are noble.
If a woman who had married, then divorced and even having kids, she would be looked as "Impure". It is true until today though society now prohibits Discrimination. Yet, it changes nothing with the women' status in this society.
Women easily get hurt and men are the one who are greedy and desiring to get more...hurt women, play women, and cheat women since men think if they have done all those things, they gain power and strength as a REAL man.
Women, you should be careful to choose your love and build your future life. Be cheerful also if you have been hurt, and advice yourself in order not to be so soft next time to drop into someone's trap.
CHEER UP, Girls!!!
10:55 PM
Thursday, December 3, 2009
♥ I feel so lovely
I feel love that I have been so long time missing it...I feel so lovely since someone is caring me.
The truly is the person who always stays beside you is not your medicine since he/she just acts in front of you. Just want to get benefits from you...
But, the person who you never meet, you will feel more close to him/her since you both never hide your secrets from each other...also because you guys never meet each other, you will feel more easy to tell your secret to him/her...Right?
I have a lot of secrets, but I could not tell the person who always beside me since she/he always lie me but will use excuse to chill you up.
In contrast, the person who you never meet will try to console your heart since he/she can listen to you as well. You do not afraid that he/she will tell your secret to someone else since if he/she does so, the other people also do not know who you are!
"Simplicity is easy and happy, but Complicated & Difficulty makes your life more interesting and colorful."
Sometime, I really regret what I have done and so I wish to turn my life back. As I know, it is impossible to do so, but I still try to console my dear friend about we could make some impossible to be possible...but, the indeed is...this word is only a cure to your wound, you know after heard this word, the thing will remain still the same and never change, but at least you will know you are not alone, someone is still beside you.
Here, I want to thank my dear friend very much. You brings the taste to my life, which give me so sweet and warm.
The truly is the person who always stays beside you is not your medicine since he/she just acts in front of you. Just want to get benefits from you...
But, the person who you never meet, you will feel more close to him/her since you both never hide your secrets from each other...also because you guys never meet each other, you will feel more easy to tell your secret to him/her...Right?
I have a lot of secrets, but I could not tell the person who always beside me since she/he always lie me but will use excuse to chill you up.
In contrast, the person who you never meet will try to console your heart since he/she can listen to you as well. You do not afraid that he/she will tell your secret to someone else since if he/she does so, the other people also do not know who you are!
"Simplicity is easy and happy, but Complicated & Difficulty makes your life more interesting and colorful."
Sometime, I really regret what I have done and so I wish to turn my life back. As I know, it is impossible to do so, but I still try to console my dear friend about we could make some impossible to be possible...but, the indeed is...this word is only a cure to your wound, you know after heard this word, the thing will remain still the same and never change, but at least you will know you are not alone, someone is still beside you.
Here, I want to thank my dear friend very much. You brings the taste to my life, which give me so sweet and warm.
9:12 AM
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
♥ Boring day, but good
This few days, I have nice days...Many things were smooth to me!
I know a friend...damn nice! We contact again since we had been long time not to chat with each other. We share happiness and our sorrow....Thanks for you!
Also, the day of thanksgiving on last Friday, I went to BestBuy, an electronic wholesale store, bought a laptop...I was thinking which branch was the nicer...Finally, I bought Toshiba laptop...It is Window 7...and many offers were given!
Final...final...and final....Magic, comes to me, gives me powel to survice...Love You.
Bless me...
I know a friend...damn nice! We contact again since we had been long time not to chat with each other. We share happiness and our sorrow....Thanks for you!
Also, the day of thanksgiving on last Friday, I went to BestBuy, an electronic wholesale store, bought a laptop...I was thinking which branch was the nicer...Finally, I bought Toshiba laptop...It is Window 7...and many offers were given!
Final...final...and final....Magic, comes to me, gives me powel to survice...Love You.
Bless me...
5:02 PM
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
♥ I hate All subjects
This quater I am taking two Undergraduate course: Englih literature and Humanity in Music and my major course: Biology
I hate Music since it includes history of Western Musicians: J.S. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Musosky, Schoenberg, Debussy, Tchaikosky, Brahm and etc...
Lol, my brain is cracked!
I hate Bio, but I try to love it and I do it.
This few weeks which closed to final, I am studying genetic.
Genetic is hard, the most complicated is DNA.
Yet, since I try my best to understand it...it is not as tough as I thought it would.
Just simple.
DNA has 4 possible bases: C,G,T,A (Codes)
RNA has 4 possible bases: C,G,U,A'\
DNA is duplicated make DNA;
DNA is transcripted make RNA, by then be mRNA;
mRNA is translated based on its codes into Polypeptides (Protein).
Both processes are aided by enzymes...
I hate English Literature too, but sometimes I love it. I hate poem because I own a straight brain...I can not think about the meaning of it, damn shit! Nothing to say about literature, it needs a bunch of homework and readings...Bless me!
lol, God, please don't clear all of memories from my brain, if not, I study is merely wasting my time. Working hard....to be succeed in final!!!
Bless me....
Good day to both of you!
I hate Music since it includes history of Western Musicians: J.S. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Musosky, Schoenberg, Debussy, Tchaikosky, Brahm and etc...
Lol, my brain is cracked!
I hate Bio, but I try to love it and I do it.
This few weeks which closed to final, I am studying genetic.
Genetic is hard, the most complicated is DNA.
Yet, since I try my best to understand it...it is not as tough as I thought it would.
Just simple.
DNA has 4 possible bases: C,G,T,A (Codes)
RNA has 4 possible bases: C,G,U,A'\
DNA is duplicated make DNA;
DNA is transcripted make RNA, by then be mRNA;
mRNA is translated based on its codes into Polypeptides (Protein).
Both processes are aided by enzymes...
I hate English Literature too, but sometimes I love it. I hate poem because I own a straight brain...I can not think about the meaning of it, damn shit! Nothing to say about literature, it needs a bunch of homework and readings...Bless me!
lol, God, please don't clear all of memories from my brain, if not, I study is merely wasting my time. Working hard....to be succeed in final!!!
Bless me....
Good day to both of you!
5:53 PM
